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“1492. As children we were taught to memorize this year with pride and joy as the year people began living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America. Actually, people had been living full and imaginative lives on the continent of North America for hundreds of years before that. 1492 was simply the year sea pirates began to rob, cheat, and kill them.”
Kurt Vonnegut, Breakfast of Champions
US novelist (1922 – 2007)

Why no posts in so long? Well, thanks to a car accident on October 16, 2010, I haven’t posted in quite some time as even short periods of time exacerbate my whiplash injury. My third accident and third time rear-ended. To all the tailgaters & idiots who talk on their cell phones while driving…STOP IT!!! People like that don’t deserve to drive if they’re going to take others lives in their hands so frivolously. I’m getting better slowly but surely and will be back posting regularly soon! Safe driving y’all.

“On December 15, 2010 Bill C-3 Gender Equity in Indian Registration Act received Royal Assent and is in effect as of January 31, 2011. Bill C-3 will ensure that eligible grand-children of women who lost status as a result of marrying non-Indian men will become entitled to registration (Indian status).”

I haven’t applied as of yet but will keep you up-to-date.

It’s my 3rd car accident. In all three accidents I’ve been rear-ended and received a whiplash injury. *boo hiss*

No surprise to say it has slowed me down dramatically so haven’t been posting. This will change as I work through rehab ‘n stuff.

I look forward to being healthy again and blogging up a storm!!!

Click here to listen to the Aug 25, 2010 show. The part that I’m on is at about 17:41 but the whole show is good though!

I’ll definitely write more about being an Aboriginal comedian but, for now, will say that it has been interesting and challenging indeed. When I say I’m Aboriginal and a comedian, seems there is often an expectation I’m going to do “Bannock, Bingo & Rez Dogs” and lots of Native stereotypes the whole time. I don’t.

I find the best way to describe what I do is that I’m an Aboriginal person who does mainstream comedy. I do have jokes about my Aboriginal-ness and other Native-related things but I don’t push myself to do material on anything in particular. What I do depends on many things – the audience, what seems appropriate (comedy club vs. corporate gig) and/or if it is an Aboriginal event or not.

A big thing for me, I don’t want to be disingenuous. I’m not going to force myself to manufacture a certain amount of ‘Aboriginal’ content to try to emulate something only because it is sometimes (or often) expected of me. Feels dishonest and it’s not authentic. I’m trying to do things in ways that feel right for me because that’s when I’m at my best.

Reminds me of a talk with artist Brian Joseph Grandbois. He does a lot of traditional Aboriginal art work and some non-traditional. Apparently, he painted a Monarch butterfly on a drum and an art broker told him it wasn’t Aboriginal. Really? Huh. I guess I get where the broker is coming from but I also find that idea horribly stifling for an artist to have any suggestion they shouldn’t be creative in certain areas because it doesn’t fit someone else’s paradigm. Knowing Brian’s work, I’m sure it was a gorgeous butterfly…so what’s the problem with that?!?!!!

There are many comedians who do what might be deemed more to be “Native comedy” than what I do. Many are hilarious and get great laughs doing what they do too! Vive la difference!! That is what is so beautiful about creativity and individuality; there are SO many ways to be artistic and funny.

For me, I like to go wherever my creativity takes me. I’m often surprised by it too ;-P

And feast your eyes on these!!!

It’s like a pencil crayon forest.

I can’t believe I brought myself to actually use them.
They are art unto themselves.

I heart pencil crayons.
I want the ones with recycled paper on the outside too.

As my friend Melanie said, you can never have too many colours.

I have always loved the painting hanging on my living room wall of a dark-haired girl in a blue dress; I bought it at a thrift store over 10 years ago for only a few dollars.

Here’s the painting with the sketch (done with my new pencils!).

Comparing the two, I decided to call mine “Ugly Sister”

She is smarter. She’s never been considered quite as attractive as her sister. She’s always overlooked.

Still looking for inspired ways to use my new pencils I thought of the recent Facebook story I told…

I posted this video, with this caption, “Most people don’t know that I used to do the voice of Rusty in The Friendly Giant. Also, I can do a round-off back handspring while wearing platform shoes made out of cheese.”

Some guy actually wanted to ‘set the record straight’ to which I responded “Yes, I’m sure gymnastics in dairy footwear made this completely plausible, along with me being a comedian.”

Anyhooooo, I decided to bring the shoes more to life!
Here’s the result…

Platform Cheese Shoe Prototype

Ready for mainstream consumption…

Voila, a Platform Cheese Shoe!

I quite enjoyed doing these sketches. I have a bunch of ideas for other projects. I am truly filled with excitement to do them too!

I just started getting into drawing ‘n stuff again fairly recently. Read more here about a key moment with an acrylic painting kit (for ages 5+!) that got me rolling.

Thanks to Colleen Brow of Mornings on the Shore for the invitation to do a Comedy Kick on Shore 104.3fm!

Please know that I realize that may sound snobby, I don’t mean it that way. I’m a personal trainer, fitness educator and even an Active Champion; I fully support anyone who wants to get more physically active in whatever way works for them. I’m also very sarcastic, a stand-up comedian and a writer. M’kay? Good.

Most people talk about jogging like this: ‘I think I’m going to start jogging’ or ‘I might go jogging later’ while also talking about wanting to get more fit or lose weight. For me, when someone says they’re going to go jogging, it’s a pretty clear indication they don’t actually ever do it (or maybe once every leap year) or it’s quite likely it won’t really ever take place.

I didn’t fully understand that until I started running; I mean actually getting out there 5 days a week. Steady runs, hill training, LSD, race-pace and tempo runs…these are all distinctly different.
And it is running, not jogging.

I read a short fitsugar article that discusses what separates runners and joggers. Apparently, if you can complete a mile in under 9 minutes, you’re a runner – over 9 minutes you’re a jogger.

I guess I actually just don’t believe in the concept of jogging period or at least how I think about jogging. I’d say if you’re out there regularly and that 9:10min/mile happens to be the pace you’re at for those 4-5 days/week but you’re actually out there 4-5 days/week, then you’re a runner in my opinion.  Also, jog-jogger-jogging sounds wimpy. I certainly don’t feel wimpy when I’m out there running for 2 hours straight or running a big hill 9 times in a row. Doesn’t feel like I’m ‘jogging’, it feels like I’m running.

It’s the consistency and dedication to getting out there on a regular basis. Some increased effort, a difference in your locomotion between walking and running.  Someone out running for an hour or longer, even if very slowly…that takes physical and mental stamina. Running is such a head game. I find the mind aspect the most challenging part of distance running. I am a sprinter and burst-of-speed person by nature. Fast-twitch muscle fibers all the way. I am not naturally built for endurance running in the least, yet, I do it.  Training is key and so is perseverance.

It’s the people, like Steve (name changed to protect privacy ;-P), who decide to go out once every 6 months, let’s say maybe in his thick grey jogging pants, wearing a cotton t-shirt and tube socks and rad skateboarding shoes (or better yet some hiking boots!). He somehow drags himself over 5k, probably pulls a muscle, overheats, gets a horrible stitch in his side…maybe some chafing (which Steve will never admit to, he’s a man, men don’t chafe).  Then, limping around for the next week and a half in his chafed and aching body, he’ll proceed to tell everyone how much running sucks.  No, Steve you suck for being an idiot and not doing the proper training.  This person, to me, seems like a prime candidate for natural selection.

Ok, maybe this one outing of Steve’s could qualify as jogging.

It’d be the same as never doing any acrobatic training and trying to do a back handspring on a balance beam, getting a concussion and broken ribs and then saying gymnastics sucks. Again, no, you suck Steve, it’s all you (picture him in a bloodied leotard). Or maybe Steve wants to be a stand-up comedian. He thinks he’ll just get up there and be the next Chris Rock his first time on stage. HBO specials soon to follow.  Steve, that’s really dumb too. (No, I don’t have an ex named Steve. Feel free to substitute the name Helga for Steve anywhere you like. No, I don’t have an ex named Helga either.)

It’s amazing how many people there are who insist on repeating this same (dumb) process every time they decide to take up ‘jogging’ again. I mention I’m training for a half marathon and they tell me they want to start running (or they say jogging and I try to smile while I cringe inwardly). I tell them I’m a trainer and offer them a free running program to get safely started and so often get “No, I’ll just go do 5km and get back at it. It’ll come back quickly. I’ve got great muscle memory. Anyways, I hate that stop and start crap with that walk/run stuff. I don’t have the patience for it.” No, don’t use proper training technique and proven science to train. Yes, start at a level which makes it almost impossible to sustain and offers an extremely high likelihood of getting injured and suffering through unnecessary pain.

Even for those who have been regular runners, if they stop for several weeks, they lose ground and need to work their way back. That’s how it works. So, if you’ve been off for years or have never ran…hmmm, maybe easing into it, getting a training program, proper gear and maybe even working with a personal trainer might be an idea!

Lots of people slam running. I used to be one of them. I’d say that unless something is chasing me why run. Now that I run, my tune has changed. Do I bound out the door excited to hit the road? Absolutely not. My relationship with running is complicated. One that makes me regularly question my sanity (especially while on long runs and during hill training). On the other hand, having been diagnosed with arthritis at a very young age, I am still surprised (and very grateful) that I can run.

I’m training for a half marathon and there’s something paradoxical in dreading the run itself; continuing to run and pushing through knowing I have an hour to go (and I’ve already been out there running for 45 minutes); and then, the longer I’m out there, feeling more and more like a machine who can accomplish anything. It’s crazy.  There are no shortcuts to being able to do the really long distances. You must put the time in and do the training. You can’t complete a 20km run in 15 minutes unless you’re Lindsay Wagner. You need to hunker down and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  As trite as this may sound, running teaches me a lot about how to approach life. If you put the hard work in, you’ll get results and reap the rewards.

I feel so accomplished when I run. When I trained for my first race ever – the 2005 Honolulu Marathon – every long run I did was my longest run ever. I wanted to wear a sandwich board around with the distance I’d just done. It’s like I couldn’t actually believe that I had just ran 15 miles. Still sounds surreal to me.  Not sure that’ll ever change for me.  I’m ok if it doesn’t. I love feeling like a cool science experiment and seeing what I’m capable of that I never before thought was possible. If that’s true with running, what other things have I not been trying?  Reminds me of a story I read How Big Is Your Frying Pan?

I encourage anyone and everyone to get moving and get more active. Does it have to be running? No, not necessarily. Do what works for you but please do it safely and effectively whatever it is. Don’t try to go from 0 to 100 immediately. And maybe try to be a little more understanding of why we runners run please and thanks ;-P

Please don’t, one day, out of the blue, go ‘jogging’ for 5km when you haven’t done anything for months or years. Gradual is the smart way to go. Seriously.

Dear Sarah,

I really like you and your (not you’re) friends a lot (not alot). You’re (not your) really quite (not quiet) awesome. They’re (not their or there) really quite (still not quiet) awesome too (not two).

Reading comments like those above helps me realize (or realise) I’m not losing my mind. Maybe it’s (not its) loose (not lose) minds causing this epidemic? Where (not wear) did all of this start?

Admittedly, whenever I speak about this, I sometimes get weird (not wierd) looks but it doesn’t affect (not effect) me or seem to leave any residual effect (not affect).

Whether (not weather) or not it’s (not its) related to Vancouver’s weather (not whether), it’s (not its) definitely (not definately) neither (not niether) here nor there (not their or they’re). Personally, I like to wear (not where) a black and fuchsia ribbon to signify the importance of proper word usage.

Then (not than) again, there (not they’re or their), is spell-check (or spell check) for a great number of these words. Of course, spell-check (or spell check) doesn’t help with instances of properly spelled words that are improperly used.

So, who’s (not whose) to blame? But really, come on, what do these people think that red line under misspelled (not mispelled) words means? Do they think the red line means they’re (not there or their) being entered in a contest and might win a prize? Wow, that’s a lot (not alot) crazier than (not then) getting drunk with a panda!

Monique
xoxo

*FYI* re: Panda – Learning its (not it’s) and/or their (not they’re or there) drinking capacity is generally frowned upon (not up on) in the western hemisphere.

Every time I read it I feel kind of dizzy.